Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Unhappy Thoughts

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always said I wanted to wait until I was older to have kids. I figured that late twenties or early thirties was a good time. At that age, I would get to live life without kids both before I have them and after they move out. At the same time I wouldn’t be too young and immature to be raising a child, nor would I be too old to do things with a kid.

A coworker and I where discussing this the other day, and she says to me… “But your parents are old, don’t you worry that if you wait to have kids they won’t be alive to see it” I tried to laugh the comment off by saying “My other sisters have given them grandkids, I’m not depriving them” to that my coworker says “Yeah, but it sounds like you’re close with your parents, don’t you want your kids to have a chance to get to know them and have a relationship with them?”

Now why the heck did she have to go and say something like that?

Believe it or not, that perspective on things hadn’t really occurred to me. If I ever happened to have thoughts of my parents not being around to see me have kids, I always passed it off by reminding myself that they already have 3 grandkids, so it’s not like I would be depriving them of that privilege.

My parents are great parents and great grandparents, and I can only hope that my children get a chance to find that out for themselves, not just through stories passed down.

I don’t deal well with thoughts of my parents mortality. Any time I think about it, I in all honesty come very close to having an anxiety attack. It makes me wish I was closer to home.

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